There is nothing more likely to fuel a series of arguments than a wedding. Yes, you love this person. Yes, you want to spend the rest of your life with them. But all the love and goodwill in the world can’t compare with the sheer stress of planning your perfect wedding.
The good news is that you are not alone. Pre-wedding arguments are a rite of passage, much like the hen do, the stag do and the wedding fair freebies.
This is the big one. Let’s be clear your wedding day is going to be eye-watering, toe-curlingly expensive.
2. The guest list
Once you have set your budget, you will have a good idea of the number of people who can be invited. The ‘top tier’ should be easy to agree with that’s your immediate families and the wedding party. But once you start getting to the cousins, colleagues things can get contentious.
There is no magic formula for choosing your ideal guests, but you should do your best to make sure that both the bride and the groom have an equal number of invitees.
Weddings are great for reigniting long-lost religious passions. If you want to get married in a church, synagogue, mosque or other holy places, you are going to have to prove that you are committed to the religion in question. This may mean taking a course of ‘pre-marriage’ classes, adhering to strict wedding day customs, or even converting to your partner’s faith.
If one or both of you strongly wish to get married in a religious environment or feel equally strongly about marrying in a secular ceremony you need to discuss this as early as possible. It may be possible to have two ceremonies or to reach some other sort of compromise, as long as you are both open to it.
4. The groom’s involvement (or the bride’s over-involvement)
The notion of the ‘Bridezilla’ has been well established in popular culture, but that’s only half the story. Yes, many women can get carried away while planning their perfect day, but what are the men doing during all this?
Planning a wedding is stressful, and an unequal division of tasks can breed resentment. If the bride is getting carried away with the wedding prep, the groom can either offer to help or simply be there when she needs a hug. Likewise, if the groom isn’t doing his share, it is down to the bride to ask him to chip in and suggest a few things that he could help with.
Prenuptial agreements are becoming increasingly common and for many couples, this will be the first time they have discussed their long-term financial arrangements. Prenup discussions can offer an eye-opening insight into your future together, and they also give you a chance to work out an arrangement that works for both of you. Doing this before the wedding means that you can avoid many more money-related arguments after you are married.